


Proper Experimental Procedure on Kissing Aliens

by Guess_im_the_foot_guy



Series: Benrey + Gordon sittin' in a tree [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Fluff, Gordon DOES have a son, Gordon has GAD, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, a warning for a scary ordeal with the flooding, i cant seem to find an established tag that fits properly, not drowning really but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guess_im_the_foot_guy/pseuds/Guess_im_the_foot_guy
Summary: Gordon had been doing some thinking.A lot of thinking, maybe.A lot of thinking about… kissing Benrey.Gordon and Benrey work through how deeply awkward they both are as men and establish more of an understanding in their relationship. Benrey is like a lichen. He grows on you, but very slowly. Kisses however, when properly applied, might help the process.EDIT: The frogger thing was written BEFORE scorpy played frogger
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, background Bubby/Harold coomer
Series: Benrey + Gordon sittin' in a tree [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800958
Comments: 24
Kudos: 486





	Proper Experimental Procedure on Kissing Aliens

Gordon had been doing some thinking. 

A lot of thinking, maybe. 

A lot of thinking about… kissing Benrey. 

All scientifically, of course. He wouldn’t be thinking about smooching his knuckles while staring at them gripping the handrail of an elevator they were sharing, or about kissing the top of his head as he looked down at him hopping over a low wall, or- 

Or any of that… without a good reason. And Gordon had a great reason! Diplomacy. Negotiation. Open bribery. 

Violence and threats of it didn’t seem to affect Benrey much if at all, and lately, Gordon had to admit that they’d just become less appealing, too. Clearly an alternative solution needed to be found if Benrey was doing something stupid or dangerous and Gordon wanted him to stop. It was all very useful and scientific. 

Yessir. All the excitement he felt when imagining those scenarios was just a part of that scientific process.

\----

Gordon’s first chance at a trial didn’t take long to come. They were in one of the many stupidly cavernous chambers in the lowest levels of the compound, and Benrey was leaning over a railing far too far for Gordon’s approval. 

“Benrey, what the fuck are you doing! Get _away_ from there man, you’re gonna fall!” 

Benrey waved a dismissing hand. “Shut up dude there’s like, I think there’s some kinda control thingie down there I’m tryina see.”

Gordon was about to continue yelling at him, but stopped when he remembered his experiment. This seemed a good a time as any to start- his anxiety certainly agreed, anyway. 

Gordon spoke deliberately. “Benrey, forget about that. Come over here and kiss me.”

There was a pause, and then to Gordon’s dismay, Benrey actually leaned over even more in surprise as he turned to look at him. His expression was so utterly shocked that it was cute, but not nearly fucking cute enough to interrupt gordon’s panic. 

“Whuh-what?” 

“GET OFF THE LEDGE FIRST!- I said I want a kiss, man- listen to me!”

Benrey did fall- but thankfully backwards, waving his hands in the air. “Ok-ok-ok-onesecond!”

He scrambled to his feet and bounded up to Gordon with his usual surprising speed, then skidded to a halt. 

“What?” Gordon had been expecting no hesitation- it was a little weird to have him just stop short. 

Benrey _had_ stopped, though- and he was blushing and fidgeting a little to boot. 

“Yo you uh. Sure?” 

“Yep.” 

“Really really sure?....” 

Gordon sighed. “ _Yes_ , Benrey. Yes.” He leaned down and offered his cheek. “Come on.” 

Benrey didn’t answer, just jerked forwards and gave Gordon’s cheek a soft little peck. The movement didn’t really seem planned and lasted only a second, but it was…. Nice. His lips were thin and cool, but soft. Gordon tried to think about whether he’d seen him using chapstick or something. 

“Huh? Yeah bro I got. Got that vanilla.” Benrey rummaged around in his vest before producing a burt’s bees. 

Had Gordon said that out loud???

Oh well. He decided that this experiment was a success, since Benrey was currently (if obnoxiously) applying lip balm instead of falling to his death.

\----

The second chance that presented itself for a trial was because of Benrey interrogating a technician. They’d found him in a lab closet, and he was now trying to explain everything that’d happened in this sector since the cascade. Benrey, as usual, wasn’t buying it.

“I dunno what you’re doin’ down here.”

“Well, I couldn’t escape in the initial rush, so I stayed put.” 

“But everyone else left?” 

“I was the only one in the clean lab in the morning, and it takes a while to undress….” 

“Hm- yeah, you got records for that schedule you can show me please?”

Gordon held himself back from just yelling. “Benrey, come here, it’s fine. I don’t think that guy can do anything to us.”

Benrey, ever agonizingly-protective, didn’t budge. “I dunno man. There was all that- All that military back there. How do we know he’s not with em?”

Hm. Maybe it was time for test two. 

“Benrey. _Benrey_ , look at me.” 

Benrey did. Pointedly as he could, Gordon leaned over a little and tapped his cheek in clear invitation. He wondered if it would be grasped even when given silently this time. 

It was. Benrey about faced without a single word more to the technician. Dr. Coomer took to intimidating him instead, but Gordon couldn’t really worry about it any more, because Benrey was suddenly before him, looking excited but embarrassed. His emotions were so clear at times like this. It still knocked Gordon a little off guard how much Benrey’s face changed when he was actually getting something he wanted, not just knowingly bullshitting about it.

But it was a good sort of off guard, so he leaned down a little more, and nodded. “Go on.” 

Benrey’s cheeks were flushed high and his pale eyes rapt. The technician and probably everything he’d just been doing were forgotten. 

He didn’t ask if Gordon was serious this time, but reached up and put his hands on his shoulders right away so he could press a soft little peck to his cheek. He had to stand on his tiptoes to do so at this angle, which Gordon knew very well and was unashamed to enjoy very much.

Benrey pulled back, then changed his mind and reached up to peck Gordon again before he backed off for real. “What’s got you wanting some o’ Benny’s love lately, huh?” 

He was smiling like a dope. Gordon smiled back in spite of himself. 

“Experiment.” 

“Oh kinky.” 

Gordon’s barking laugh was interrupted by a gunshot before he could manage to scold Benrey for the statement.

He looked over to find the culprit- Bubby- already glaring at _him._

“You two were starting to bore me!”

“It’s ok, Gordon! I have received all of this mans’ exposition already.” Dr. Coomer assured, crouched over the ragdolled NPC body.

Coomer was unlikely to remember all of that exposition, to be honest. Gordon decided to mark this one down as another success anyway- partly because he’d distracted Beney, and partially because he wasn’t willing to use the same tactic on the others even if he thought it’d work, so he was gonna call it the best result he’d get.

“Get a fucking move on!” Bubby called, already marching undoubtedly in the direction of something dangerous. Gordon just sighed and followed.

\---

The third test was more of a field observation, if Gordon was being honest. He wasn’t a behavioral researcher by any possible definition, but no one was around to peer review his personal thoughts, so he decided it counted. 

He and Benrey had been arguing a little in the secret powerade plant Black Mesa apparently owned. In the middle of one of Gordon’s sentences, Benrey did a little hop. Gordon first thought it was out of anger. But the idea was dispelled when he felt him sort of headbutt his face gently, squishing his nose against Gordon’s jaw in a way that definitely didn’t seem intentional. Like he’d been trying to do something else but was too short to achieve it. Like-

“...Did you just try to _kiss_ me?”

Benrey’s face started to turn scarlet. “What?”

Predictably, they were immediately razzed. 

“Benrey, you can kiss Gordon _later_ .” 

“You’ll just have to kiss Dr. Freeman AFTER the test!”

Benrey blushed harder, saying nothing, which was pretty temptingly cute. But Gordon’s feet were starting to get sort of sticky, and he had to agree that it wasn’t the best place, so he acquiesced. He didn’t want to encourage Bubby to start cat-calling them too much, anyway.

He gave Benrey a comforting little pat before continuing on. “Save the lovin’ for later, bud.”

Benrey’s immediate smile at the promise of ‘later lovins’ almost made him reconsider yet again, but he persevered. Someone had to be the scientist here.

(Ok, well, no one _needed_ to be a scientist. But Gordon had already decided he was going to, so he would.)

Benrey followed extra-hot on his heels for at least an hour after that with nary a distraction, too, so it may have been the best result yet.

\---

Trial four wasn’t really a trial, if he was being honest; no matter how he might try to mentally justify it. It was just something he wanted. Something he wanted so badly at the time that he’d acted completely off-plan, really. But it also beat out all of the previous time combined; even the powerade plant.

It had started out as a shitty situation to say the least, though. They’d had to get past more flooding directly after a stressful bout of run-ins with the military, and as a result, he’d ran down the flooded stairwell with less hesitation than usual and dove right in. It turned out to be a long hallway. There wasn’t an inch of space at the ceiling anywhere, and the water murky with all kinds of filth that dimmed how far he could see and blurred the edges of submerged furniture into unreality. Each turn without a change in the situation ratcheted up the always-present fear for his life that had been nestled in Gordon’s chest since the cascade.

After what probably wasn’t even a minute and 4 left turns, they made it to the next stairwell and their way out. But when Gordon broke the surface and dragged himself out onto some equally filthy carpeting, even gasping like a fish he’d been unable to catch his breath. His chest felt hot and tight, and his throat burned with nausea, and his skin and his hands felt like ice. Something about the stress and the lack of air, maybe, had combined into a genuine panic attack. Dimly, he was aware of that; he’d had them too-often in grad school (and more rarely afterwards too). But knowing it was happening gave him no power to control his body beyond trying not to throw up as he lay frozen in a half crouch and still way too close to that water; choking on the smell and shaking like a leaf.

Suddenly someone picked him up- he wasn’t capable of trying to tell who at the moment- and deposited him further away from the water with his back to a wall beside a filing cabinet. He pressed himself firmly against it, glad of the secure feeling, as a hand gently brushed his hair back. Oh- Dr. Coomer. He wasn’t breathing well enough still to speak and thank him, but managed a little squeaky noise. He thought, a little deliriously, that Coomer would understand.

“Gordon, can you understand me well right now?” 

Dr. Coomer’s voice was gentle. Gordon nodded. 

“I’m glad, Gordon! Would you like us to stay here with you?” 

Even through the storm of blinding panic his body was subjecting him to, the thought was a little embarrassing. Coomer seemed to notice his hesitation. 

“Would you like a moment alone, Gordon?” 

Gordon nodded again. 

“Alrighty-then men, in that case, let’s reconvene and dry our jeans in the next room!” 

“I was going to leave anyway.” Bubby said. 

As they walked out, Gordon heard Tommy say “But- But Dr. Coomer, no one here is wearing jeans.” 

“Khaki doesn’t rhyme!” Coomer chirped, and it was the last thing Gordon heard from them as their footsteps faded.

But one set was missing. 

“Yo, hey, can your- uh…. Can ol’ Benrey stay and watch? Y’know, to guard you? You’re weaker than a fuckin’ baby puppy who just had a bottle and is fallin’ asleep and- uh, doesn’t have eyes yet, right now.”

The nonsensical particulars of what Benrey had just said washed over him, but the gist was clear. Gordon nodded again without a particularly conscious thought in either direction. 

“Nice, great. About time.” 

He felt Benrey plop down next to him between Gordon and the water. A vague sense of gratitude fluttered through him, even as he focused mostly on trying to suck in a normal breath or two while he waited to feel a little less like he was full of lava and his skin was made of ice and static snow.

Miraculously, Benrey was still and silent, making himself a quiet little blue barrier between Gordon and this filing cabinet and the rest of the world. He didn’t speak again until Gordon wasn’t (completely) choking on all of his inhales. 

“Hey.”

Gordon didn’t answer, but Benrey didn’t seem to be looking for one. He continued anyway. “How- how old’s Joshua? Now I mean. Still a shitty lil- bean ass baby like in the picture?” 

Gordon’s mind focused vaguely on the very easy question. “No. Seven.”

The paltry two words had a long space between them in which Gordon tried to catch his breath to speak again, but Benrey didn’t seem to mind that either. He made a silly little exaggerated humming noise. 

“HHMMMmmmm. Think he might be ready for frogger then, bro. You think? I got a- got a new. Old- there’s an old ass atari I still got in my basement.”

“Atari?” 

“Yeah- the classics. Gotta get a good education. I could bring it over for him.” 

As much as he’d like to focus on what Benrey was saying, he’d suddenly been washed over with another wave of icy static, heartbeat fluttering, and he was struggling to stay grounded. 

“Can… I-” Gordon couldn’t finish his sentence, so he just reached out and took Benrey’s hand, squeezing it for all he was worth. 

“Oh.” Benrey’s voice was very soft with surprise. “Th- yeah man that’s fine totally fine cool, haha. ...This help?” 

Gordon nodded. 

“Sweet.” Benrey re-adjusted their hands so he could squeeze back. Suddenly if Gordon needed a good grounding hand-squeeze, all he had to do was manage a little one and Benrey did the rest. After a while of that, he found it in himself to belatedly answer. 

“We could.” 

“Wha?” 

That one wasn’t even Benrey’s fault, so he couldn’t be mad. He tried again. 

“Could make it a night. ...Dinner.” 

“Oh. Oh! Yeah? That’s cool bro, I make a mean carbonara. Think the little dude’d eat a car-bo- _nara_ ?”

Gordon’s breath was slowing a little. The weird shit Benrey was saying had blindsided him so much he found himself answering and barely realizing it. 

“Um- the eggs would have to be well cooked. Isn’t that... problem with that dish?” 

“Maybe I’ll just make mac, then.” 

“...Mac?” 

“Mac n’ cheese Gordon. I know you know the one. It’ll be the good shit, with garlic. Bread crumbs.”

Gordon made a faint noise, not really able to think of anything more to say except that he’d called Gordon by name again, but that would probably embarrass him. And he didn’t think Benrey of all people would mind if he didn’t talk. Benrey, for his part, had just started absently rubbing Gordon’s hand in little circles with his thumb, otherwise unmoving. Gordon focused on the soft little action, the feeling of his warm calloused fingers. They sat there for a long time- until he didn’t feel like his chest was being compressed or his skin was ice, and he was breathing relatively normally. 

“Feelin’ good now?” Benrey said after a while.

Gordon took a moment to find his voice. “Uh. Better? Yeah, definitely better at least. Gordon is… good to go.” 

Benrey squeezed his hand. “Nice.” He stood, still holding it lightly, then held out the other, too, in invitation. 

“Let a bro help you up please?” 

Gordon took the offered hand. He was immediately pulled up with surprising strength, and he almost collided with Benrey. But instead of wise-cracking or pulling him close, Benrey just caught Gordon instead and gently steadied him. 

It was all so different. It was all so… not Benrey, or not the Benrey he knew. He searched his face for any hint of malice or mocking, but found none. In fact, Benrey looked positively skittish- face a little pink and looking over at a random wall in what might have been an attempt to look casual but avoid potentially meeting Gordon’s gaze. His hand was feather light on Gordon’s hip- like he wasn’t sure whether he should stop touching him or keep holding him up. Gordon felt a fluttering affection that his frayed nerves were too weak to control well up in him when he realized that.

He didn’t exactly warn Benrey before what he did next, but to be fair, he didn’t even realize he was going to until he was pretty much already doing it. 

Using their clasped hands, he went ahead and opened Benrey’s arms for himself, leaned in, and kissed him right on the mouth. 

Benrey stiffened under his hands, but it was impossible for Gordon to find the will to pull away, so he just prayed for acceptance instead. And to his relief, after a moment, Benrey melted into him surprisingly deeply, leaning all the way up on his tip-toes to get closer. Then he let go of Gordon’s hands, but before Gordon could feel any worry about it they were back, pulling on his shoulders instead. Benrey put surprising weight on him, pulling him down to a better angle. But he wasn’t demanding, just very eager. ...It was nice. 

When Gordon had to lean away for air, he was greeted by Benrey smiling dreamily back, face pink and eyes sparkling with overwhelming affection. 

“Woooowuh. This uh. Experiment going well? Am I a good subject?” 

Gordon chuckled, and it was a weak sound, but he wasn’t embarrassed after everything Benrey had seen.

“Very well.” 

“How uh, close am I to making myself worth smoochin’ more? Statistically important?”

Gordon mock thought for a while, just to tease, before Benrey’s expression grew pleading and he relented. 

“It’s statistically significant. And yeah.” He sighed, leaning his forehead against Benrey’s. “I think it’s been a success.”

A little while later, after they’d all reunited, he licked his lips anxiously and realized they tasted like vanilla. And while he’d never admit it, it did make the knot in his chest ease a little. 

**Author's Note:**

> \- I pretty much gave Gordon the same kind of Panic attack I get, just for accuracy's sake  
> -My Bubby and Coomer are married but it's very difficult for Gordon to get a straight answer out of them on anything, much less this


End file.
